“I wish that I was white so I could have beautiful long hair.”
At the secondary school where I am staying, I started meeting with the girls boarding there every Sunday. The first Sunday I was a little overwhelmed as ten, twenty, and then forty or so girls encircled me and simultaneously tried to engage me in conversation, but it soon became the highlight of my week. These girls were spunky, intelligent, and completely loveable- I have some excellent videos of us dancing to show you when I get home. Last Sunday was our last meeting because the school term was coming to a close and they were returning home. I really wanted to have something to show people at home how wonderful these girls are and thought I would compile some sort of booklet of their pictures and hopes/dreams for the future. As I am sure many of you have already deduced, this is where the blog title comes in.
In reading their messages, I found that four of them had written ‘I wish I was white so I could have long beautiful hair.’ I was torn between wanting to embrace them in comfort and scream at them in rage as I felt my chest collapse. “Why?” I mumbled and the girls’ responses were simple: “Because white people are so beautiful and perfect. You are so lucky to be from Canada.” And that was it. Nothing I tried to suggest could relieve this idea of being ‘less than’ from their minds. Where did this come from, how the fuck has Western and capitalistic ideology permeated throughout the entire world, who told them that by being Malawian they didn’t count? But, of course, it was myself and the society I live in that did. By using the terms developed and developing, first world and third world, we assert and reassert a global hierarchy that discredits anything and everything that hasn’t streamed through our vapid, capitalistic culture. By painting citizens of the global south in terms of pity and nakedness. We see images of crying children and brutality in the street and we pretend to care, pretend to understand, but then the images are gone and it’s back to first world living. I am not trying to chastise, I just want to know how we got here. What’s so wrong with peace, love and understanding…
Oh, I have also had two very intelligent men tell me that Malawi should have waited for Independence so that the white people could have developed the country like they did in South Africa. Let’s all sleep well tonight.
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11 August 2009 - 11:41pm I'm so proud of you Colleen. I still can't imagine how hard it must be to be over there dealing now likely less with the physical difficulties and more with the emotional. You give me hope to think that I could do something like that too. Can't wait to see you soon!
9 August 2009 - 12:21pm Hey Colleen. Im not sure what to write after reading this blog post. I just want to say I love the fact that you share your honestly and be totally blunt and to the point, thats what I really like about your blog posts. I have thought about what your writing so many times... and none of the times have I had any sense of closure or conclusion. I quite often am ashamed of being a white privileged Canadian that "has everything and is perfect" when in reality we have SO much to learn from the countries that we call "3rd World", "Less developed", "Global South". Yes we are the leaders in a global race, except we are in a race to the bottom. We, the "countries of wealth", are perpetuating poverty, discrimination, war, and god complex bullshit, that we have the answers and are superior to every other place on earth. Why? Because we are obsessed with status, wealth, power, material things, and categorizing everything into a clean term that we can put in a textbook to teach our later generations what we had to "deal with" to have the luxuries and freedoms we have today. It is really messed up and frustrates the hell out of me. I cant say I know what your feeling Colleen because your facing it day in and day out, but I know Im feeling something of the same frustration that your feeling and I think all of us feel that want to change the way things are right now. Lets use this as fuel to the fire to alter the system we are in right now. So looking forward to sitting down and talking when your back Colleen. Keep your chin up!